Reek Sunday

12/08/17

Dear Diary,

Omg…. Don’t know where to start??!! I have been busy as always… Work… Home… Doctors app… Planing future… and much more.
Work has been mad busy for Debs and horse races this time of year.Did lot of up styles. I enjoyed doing them. My creation kicks in 🤣

It’s 4.45am Saturday morning… I can’t sleep. May went to the restroom at 3am, he wake me up and that’s it!!
I’m very light sleeper anyway.
In bed rolling my eyes. I have looked at Facebook and all kinds of social media and nothing… Still don’t feel like going to sleep. Not like me!!

I’m working at 7.45 … Well I will be tired but actally not. I’m so excited for today. I have laser consulatation. I’m a bit worry too! What the doctor going to say?! Would one treatment do? Does the laser work? I’m sick of my face with pigmentation. I want to be the girl I was before. I want my confidence to be back.
I know when I have make up on I look ok but without I feel bear. Not pretty. I’m not going to think too much about that. For now I keep saying to myself…. “I’m pretty and I need to love myself the way I am now” Some days that works miracles and other times I don’t want to look at mirror. My job is to learn how to love myself more and more everyday.

Gratitude is very important.Gratitude helps us realize what we have and what we should be thankful for. The awareness of what we’re greatful for can help us to want less and appreciate small things.

Two weeks ago I decided to do something I didn’t do in years. I want to go climbing. But I better start from being.
As I briefly mentioned before exactly two years ago we had car accident. Since that time my health got really bad worse then before. I always had some issues with my stomach but last two years been constant hell with my back. One after other doctors app. No clear diagnose. One saying this other that. Well, at that stage I should be well used to it. Nothing new! After weeks of tests there was word mention Fibromyalgia. I don’t know is that good or bad having an idea but anyways I have to wait to see Reumatologist. So in mean time I decided to challenge this Fibro and myself and see what I can do. If I could do it at all.

Two days before Reek Sunday I made up my mind that I’m going to climb the Reek. I done that in past serval times. But last two year done nothing. Any trials of excises were finished in bed. Pain all over my body, bruises and all sort of things. I am fighter but not be able to do things that knock me out. I was saving my energy for work and house works but even due some days couldn’t do it all. I’m so thankful that I have wonderful girl… My beatiful Jay. If not her I would give up long time ago. May is good too but he does not undestand some things. I’m sorry to say that but he is a bit selfish. Well, saying that last two weeks have been heaven for me in any aspect of my life. More about that later.
So… I said… “Yes, I’m going to climb” and yes I did it!!

Between Friday and Sunday went through lots of thouhts in my head. I meant any sort of feelings. All this did me good. I revalued my life. I reached my next level closer to my self-actualization.

One of my favorite psychologist Maslow discussed his theory. “Theory of Human Motivation”
First of them is Physiological needs which includes air, food, water, sex, sleep, other factors towards next level of needs.Wihtout those things would be hard to functioning.Next one is level of feeling Safety that includes security of environment, employment, resources, health, property. Those things make us to feel more secure. Coming up to next level of Belonging which includes love, friendship, relationships and family. When we meet those needs we should already feel happy!!
So the second last one is Esteem that includes self-esteem, respect to others and it self, confidence, sens of achievement. And finally last one my favorite one is Self-actualization includes morality, creativity, problem solving. I would love to get to this point and be so comfortable with myself. I that would mean I made it to the top.
This time I got only to the top of The Reek but who knows… Maybe next time top of Maslow’s Pyramid of Needs.

Climbing on Reek Sunday in Ireland is religious ritual. Climbing that day I bump in to a lot of diferent people, heard lot of stories. People climb Reek for different reason, some climb to make tradition, some religion, spirtuality is one too. I decide climb on my own but not alone.
All of us had the same focus… get to the top of the Reek.

I’m not sure actally did I climb for that reason. All I know is that I lost my faith so I have to start somewhere again. All the way up and down was very rocky, wet but really enjoyable 😊 I had fall and I broke my phone but have lots fun and great pics I will have those memories for rest of my life. I learn new skills, I met few diferent people. Had fantastic conversations with strangers. I felt fantastic. I realise that I discovered something what made me happy again… I will finish my story later.

I have to work half day then I have Clinic appointment, I might have some lunch with May and then back to my climbing story.

I follow some fella but we really didn’t talk till we nearly got to the highest part of mountain. I was exhausted, wet and in a lot of pain. He must know so he use his smile and silly humor to make me laugh. He waited for me any time I stopped. I had feeling that I knew him. For some reason one name stuck in my head. I was dying to find out so what his name was but couldn’t ask. I would look like I fancy him 😉 Last few steps I was so tired, hot and over helmed. I couldn’t breath. He gave me a sweet and said that you nearly there. I knew that but head was fighting with my body. I got to the top. We stayed for mass. I was so amazed with people climb without shoes where I was struggling in my runners.

Going up and down made massive diference. I went down with fella from the top.
Finally I found out this lad name. My intuicion was right. I was right, I know this lad from before. He was local postman. We had great chat and way down flew. We had laugh, silly talks and some serious one too.

At the end of my climb some Lady collapsed so I stayed and help her.

We had nice chat but it was time to go home. I didn’t feel pain anymore. I had pain but that wasn’t most important. I learn that day to concentrate on other things that my pain. I take life for granted and from diferent perspective.

Went home and nice suprise….

May got great news. News we where waiting for months. Not sure if May waited as much as me but I knew that change will be life changing for me and my family. More positive outlook. May got new job. I didn’t know how to be thankful. I decide that only way to thank for that is to climb again. And I did it…which was last Sunday. I struggle way more then week before but I did it. Jay and her friend went with me. They where so supportive. May ran up and down with his friend D.

My body was killed. Well I had to get on with it.

Had few bad days. But there will be always rainy days.

Looking foward next week… another great week.

Love Kay ❤️ Xx