Million reasons!!

27/09/17

Dear Diary,

It is sad when your husband doesn’t remember about wedding anniversary!
18 years… Church… Wedding Vows…
Today he told me that we should split up just after I bark on to him! Well… He doesn’t want to split… He just saying that… Always and forever! At times I wish he just walk away… I’m getting sick of his threatening me… All his bad days! If he want to go… I’m not holding him.

I’m not saying that I will jump from excitement when he leave. We have memories, we were happy at some stage. However, I can’t live like that!

I’m not his mother who listen to his tantrums . He thinks that I give out to him without reason. The truth is that I ask for basic things. His undestanding of things is diferent to mine… Sadly! Poor Jay is suffer in all this mostly! She is so sensitive and she wants us to be happy!
I’m bad form. I’m upset… How could he forgot but mainly how he can be that nasty to me.

What’s wrong with my life! Did I do something wrong! Sometimes I say to myself that this is my fault. It must be. Otherwise what?
Very often I don’t open my mouth because it will be my fault or we fight forever and ever! He say “Why do you shout… What do you want?!…It’s not my fault!… I didn’t do it! I didn’t say that!”
He use bad language and start calling me names! Well, I don’t like that.
No one deserve to be treated like that. He doesn’t get that.

Sometimes I wonder what situation was it at his home house? As that kind of behavior has to come from somewhere.
Usually I have plan for every situation like that or I even have kind of idea but not this time. What’s that mean I don’t know. I’m upset and my mind is focus on other things.

I have collage interview on Friday. I’m very nervoυs. I’m not sure how it will go. It will be what will be! If its meant to be for me I will get it! If not I will get over that too. Life has to move on!

Love Kay ❤️ Xx