Dear Diary,
06/08/18
Thanks that we met.
I’ll tell you story as I always do…
I started my new job nine weeks ago. Full of hope and enthusiasm but also very much so fear and doubts and then I heard… “We cannot be brave without fear” and also “Fake it till you make it” I took it and own it and believe that this is sent specially for me.
I won’t be able to talk much about inside of my job but I can tell you what I felt.
I felt and feel love. Love is me. I share my love with people I work. I share my love at home as I always do! Love is not what we always think it is. It’s not sexual, it’s not always visual. Love is what we give and get in results. Love comes from inside and out. The gesture… The look… The smile… and kind… The thought… and the time.
Last few days I got lots of love from the one I love the most.
He was missed and absent most of our life together. Thanks to him for that. I learn how to survive.
There is no doubt that I will ever let you down but it’s my time right now to live my life.
I never felt loved but I do now. I’m the love of my life.
I feel that every day I blossom more. Where is this feeling coming from?
I mention before that I work with people with intellectual disability and in the part where I work now non-verbal it’s the one…so connection is the most I need right now. I really enjoy working with all of them.
It’s all about paying attention.
“Attention is vitality. It connects you with others.” – Susan Sontag
I use the word love every day. I love the way they smile when I say something that’s sound fun… Or I make error by been protective and cut banana to the degree that I get weird looks and smile as I was the most silly girl on the earth… I love the way that turned… We had laugh and became closer that my name got mentioned… That’s the miracle itself.
I ask how life is and answer to that… No life! So true but not true just simply to that… They have life… I try make things that makes their life! I should say Milo and I. You are wondering who is Milo. A person… A human… A character I will never ever forget. Someone put him on my path without doubt. Milo makes me laugh when I want to cry. We laugh till I actually crying while laughing. Milo have joke and smile in every minute of my doubt.
When I met him fist I could see the light and I was wondering why? Now I know why and how! Everyone loves him. I could go on and on and on but he wouldn’t like that… I know that. I feel that I met the soul family on my long path. I hope that he will be able to be my mentor for life. In only those few weeks I learn so much from him.
He was the one near by when I got phone call from my mum, telling me who was my dad. He knew importance of that call and let me clean all rooms so I would have time to breath and cry at the same time.
Kindness and prowess is the most powerful gifts he has!
I’m sure again I could go on and on but he know his gifts so I stop right there. I want to thank him for all I learned and all I got from meeting him. Now when my work is finished I feel fulfill but sad. I already miss the times and I will miss the crowd.
My last day at work was very emotional and beautiful! It was privilege to work with all of them. What a surprise I got… flowers, cards and present but the most an amazing… Real butterfly!
For the first time in my life I felt full inside but not for last time… Now as I know that feeling I won’t let go… I continue on! I’m on the right path very right now. I have to wait and see what life will offer me but for now I have operation to go. Serious stuff but hope fun. I will train my patience and willingness to be relaxed and do what I’m told. It’s going to be hard no doubt!
I stay positive and smile that’s the plan for right now!
Love Kay ❤️ Xx
Go With The Flow 